Our Unexpected Beautiful Life

The past three days have been an emotional whirlwind. It all started late Friday night. I started bleeding. My nurse told me when I called to confirm a positive pregnancy test that don't be too alarmed if there is bleeding as long as it isn't bright red. Well, mine was and it really scared me. I monitored the amount of bleeding and pain and I didn't have cramping so that was good, but when I woke up the next morning, there was more. I called the emergency nurse on call for my doctor's office and she said to go to the emergency room if the bleeding got really heavy or if I had serious cramping because that's indicative of a miscarriage. She also said to call on Monday and see about getting in to do blood work to test hormone levels to make sure they are rising. I was worried all weekend, I swear, I'm noticing that my worries are getting much more serious. It's funny how precious a little life can be to you when it's still so new. I didn't know you c...

I'm 5 and a half weeks along and so far all is going well! I had an upset stomach for a week as I was adjusting to the new hormone levels in my body. I've had small random waves of nausea so far but not too bad yet, and OMG, I finally know the meaning of sore boobs! I've never had them before so I didn't really know what everyone has been talking about, and then Christmas morning I woke up SO sore! Ouch!!  Right now my baby is the size of an Appleseed and is forming the major organs. Yay!!! It's amazing how much I already love that little nugget! I'm very much aware of the dangers of the first trimester and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared to death of losing this baby, but I'm only allowing myself to think positive thoughts and think I will have a healthy and normal pregnancy.  My puppy dog Kaci has been really clingy lately and I'm wondering if she senses that something is different. She won't leave my side and always waits for me befo...

How I saw the positive pregnancy test is kind of a funny story. I originally thought I wasn't pregnant because I got a negative test result on the day it should have shown up positive. Well, two days later, Dec. 19th, during the night I had a dream that it was 5:30 in the morning, which is close to when I would be getting up. So when I woke up, I thought, well since it's almost time to get up, I might as well test again since my period never came. I tested and it was positive! I freaked!! I was ready to call my mom and then I looked at the clock and it was only TWO AM! Here I am, with amazing news and everyone I knew was asleep! BOO!! I waited for about fifteen minutes and then I called my mom at 2:30am and woke her up! I knew she couldn't be mad if it was about her having another grandbaby! She was really excited, too!! Once we got off the phone, of COURSE I couldn't go back to sleep! I mean, seriously. I had just found out I'm having a baby and then I'm supp...

The period never came! And I started feeling little twinges in my abdomen and it confused me. So I tested two days after the missed period and it showed up positive! I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!  I'm SO happy!!!!  I can't believe it! I'M GOING TO BE A MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!

At first I was really excited to test because I had a good feeling about this try. Well my period was due Tuesday morning, which was the day I decided to test. I got a little bummed because I was a raging bitch on Monday and Tuesday and that usually means aunt flow is on the way. Then I tested on Tuesday morning. The box said that it was 99% accurate if taken on the day of your expected period. The test was negative. I was SO sad!! I was very down in the dumps that day because I really thought I was. And if it was 99% accurate, then surely I wasn't, right? I waited sadly that entire day for my period to come and made the appointment for a consult with a specialist.

On my two week wait, I noticed light bleeding on day 9 past ovulation/insemination. This was a good sign! It takes approximately 9 days for a fertilized embryo to travel down the Fallopian tube, and then it burrows itself into the uterus, which can cause light bleeding around that day. I was excited when I saw the bleeding because I knew the timing was that of implantation and that it was 5 days too early for a period. Yay! I crossed my fingers and was cautiously optimistic! 

With this 5th cycle attempt, I was put on 150MG of Clomid. This is 3x the dosage of my first cycle. I was excited thinking that I would produce several good follicles to up my chances. I ended up producing only one follicle but it was a big one: 21mm! I was bummed that I only produced one but my doctor was still happy with the size of that one. Lets hope it's the one! 

Today we are iced in and I'm getting a little bit stir crazy since I haven't left my apartment. I was very tempted to get out and venture the roads to see how bad it is. I usually do like to do that but I could possibly be pregnant and now am thinking it's best not to risk it since I could be carrying precious cargo. Guess my mommy thinking has already started!

Surprisingly, my doctor was open to upping my dosage of Clomid. I was put on 150MG for this cycle! I was very excited thinking I could produce about 3 good follicles which would be fantastic! My doctor was very excited, too and it reminded me how grateful I am to have such a wonderful doctor that really wants this for me. Sadly, I only produced one follicle. I was shocked! I produced two on a lower dosage, but they were quite a bit smaller. The one good thing is that the one I produced was very big and looked like a really good one. I know it only takes one so there's still hope. He mentioned that if this one fails, we might try stronger medicine, my guess would be something other than Clomid to produce more eggs since Clomid doesn't seem to be working too well for me. I had my insemination this week and I wait two more weeks to find out if I'm pregnant. Hoping #5 is THE ONE!!!!

My pregnancy test produced another negative and as a result, another failed attempt. I was very sad after this one, feeling like a failure, like my body doesn't work. But then I had my HSG test that is the test that injects ink dye into your fallopian tubes. This test shows whether your tubes are open or if something is blocking them. I was pretty scared of this test because everyone has told me that it's very painful. I was happy to discover that it wasn't, and I did fine. And even happier news, they are "beautifully open!" YAY!! This is definitely good news. I really think it's just going to take time. After dipping into a pretty serious depression, I am finally feeling good again. I discussed depression medication with my baby doctor and he put me on Zoloft which is safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding. It has changed my life. My depression has lifted and I'm feeling fantastic now. I'm so grateful that I am fully able to enjoy my life again. N...

I find out early this week whether I'm pregnant or not! I'm so nervous!! I know I had two great eggs, I know I ovulated at the right time, so I think I might have a shot this time! I'm scared to get excited but I have noticed some new things about this cycle. First thing, I don't seem to be PMSing and usually I'm a raging bitch by now since I'm set to start my period in two days. Second, I've felt a lot of nausea for about 5 days straight. Third, I felt some twinges and cramps in my lower abdomen all day today. HMM! Now I'm trying REALLY hard not to get my hopes up because I could very well get another negative, and I'm TRYING to mentally prepare for that. The suspense is killing me!!! Crossing EVERYTHING that this one took!!!

I just had my 4th IUI in hopes of pregnancy. There are two great things about this try: 1) I produced 2 great follicles (eggs) from the upped dosage of Clomid so my decision to go up to 100MG was in fact a good one. I now have a better chance of fertilization with two eggs being released. 2) I'm ovulating at the perfect time. I am hurting and my doctor says it's because I'm ovulating and that the timing couldn't be better. Yay! I'm feeling hopeful about this one. I'm really hoping it takes. I will know in two weeks and now I get to experience the dreaded two week wait. Oh boy! And the plot thickens... I've met someone. A really great someone. MY LIFE! It's new, very new, but it's going great and is very healthy. If things continue to go well, I do believe that he will stick by me but the romantic part of me...and him...wishes we would have met a year ago so the situation could be different. Life is a crazy thing. As soon as you think you...

Last week I finished my 3rd try and did not produce a pregnancy. I pretty much knew when I started feeling PMS symptoms. It really is amazing how well a woman knows her body. Attempting my 4th try, I am changed. I'm realizing that this is not turning out how I planned. I always assumed it would work right away because I'm young, regular and SOMETHING has to go my way, right? Well, now I see that I was naïve. The more and more research I do, it's a wonder that anyone gets pregnant. It really does have to be PERFECT conditions. An outstanding egg, at an outstanding time, with an outstanding sperm. If one of those is not present, it won't ever work. It still blows my mind that tens of millions of sperm are inserted directly into my uterus and won't fertilize. Wow. Yesterday I went to my Dr's office to discuss a plan for the next cycle. We talked for a really long time. He was wonderful. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him how defeated I'm feeling a...

For those of you who don't know, the dreaded two week wait after ovulation and before you can test for pregnancy is the LONGEST TWO WEEKS IN TIME!!! It's insane! I had my 3rd IUI about 10 days ago and I am able to test for pregnancy on Tuesday. I'm sad to report that I'm expecting another negative. I'm pretty PMSy and that comes before a period. I'm just so sad. I'm starting the process of looking into a fertility specialist. I have a clinic that looks good and is right by my work so I think that will be a good fit. They are open 7 days a week and have a great reputation. Plus I know 3 people that got pregnant by them. I never dreamed I'd have to go to a specialist for fertility. I always assumed I would work just fine. It's sad to me because in a way I feel like I'm failing, like I don't work. It's been very hard. I will test in a few days and keep you posted on the results...

I had my sonogram today. We were hoping for 2-4 really good eggs from the fertility medication CLOMID I'm taking for the first time. I produced 4 eggs total but three are way too small and will not take. He was pleased, but I was upset. The Clomid didn't really help me this month. And once the big egg is released by the trigger shot, the others don't have time to grow so they are no good. It's crazy how I feel some sort of attachment to my follicles and am cheering for them to grow and get stronger. They can turn into my baby so it's sad to know when they can't fully develop. Anyway, this means that I have one great egg that will be triggered to release for this cycle's insemination. I have the insemination tomorrow at 2:15. I was pretty disappointed that I only had one good one. I asked about upping the dosage and the doctor said that Clomid is so random in how it works. Next month on the same dosage, I might produce 3 good eggs, you just never know. So he...

On Friday of last week, I had a sonogram to see if I was able to get on Clomid. My wonderful doctor was out of the office that day so I had to see one of the other doctors in the practice. He was an older man but I liked him. I asked him why I needed the sonogram on day 3 and he told me that it's a safety precaution. He explained that he wanted to make sure there wasn't a follicle left over from my previous cycle. He says if I had one, and they gave me Clomid, it could turn into one massive follicle which would cause numerous problems. It made sense to me after that. There were no follicles present so I was prescribed Clomid to take for 5 days. I have very mixed feelings about this drug. The great thing about trying naturally, aka no medication, is that you can consistently try every month. What I like about trying every month is that I only have about two weeks to be sad and then it's time to start again and hope is renewed! Well, on Clomid, there are some variables. C...

I'm not pregnant....again. This one hit me pretty hard. I cried for about 6 hrs straight the day I found out and didn't talk much the day after. I'm now on the third day of knowing and I'm starting to feel a little bit better. It's awful losing the money and the hope and I'm starting to worry that there may be a problem. However, logistically I have only tried twice and the statistics don't lie. If you have a perfect egg, perfect sperm and perfect timing, the odds of you getting pregnant are 27%. It also takes young healthy couples an average of 6 months to a year to get pregnant naturally. So I am trying not to worry just yet.  I have been starting my period at work and both times I've found out my answer and then have to teach. It's been really bad timing both times, in the middle of the work day, and I need to figure out something to avoid this for next time. I might test a day early next time although my period threw a fast one on me this cycle b...

Today has been one of the worst days that I can remember. It started with me waking up on day 6 of feeling like crap. I couldn't breathe, was in a bad mood, and I knew that I have to go to work because I've already taken two sick days. Well, it was a very long day. We had a lot of teachers out, were short subs and the kids thought it was party time because their routine was rocked. I felt terrible and the day drug on forever. I had two dr's appointments right after work....one for my family dr because I'm sick and one for the eye doctor because I need new contacts and have to have an exam before they will issue them.  I ran out of work to go to the family doctor for being sick. Then I found out I was going to see (we will call him Dr. Jerkface). They fit me in last minute so I had no control over who I was seeing. I've had two bad experiences with this jerk. The first time, he left me waiting for an hour as he forgot about me in a room. Awesome. THEN, the second tim...

Have I mentioned that the two week wait is the longest two weeks of my life?! Man!!!! I wanted to share a video that I love. It always makes me cry. It's a visual representation of the beginning of life. So beautifully made with accompanied music makes it very powerful. Enjoy! http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ca2NevbXMdA&feature=related

The last two days, I have experienced mild cramping in my lower abdomen. This is about 7 DPO (days past ovulation) and could be a very good sign because many women that have these, end up with a BFP (big fat positive) pregnancy test. This would be the time when the embryo implants into the uterus, causing mild cramping and occasional implantation bleeding. I normally would be excited about this but last month I had the same cramping at the same time and ended up with a BFN (Big Fat Negative) so I'm not putting any stock into it. Oh the mental games of the two week wait...

On Wednesday, I started feeling sick and realized something was coming on. By the end of the night, I felt awful and had chills accompanied with an unwanted fever. The fever lasted for two days, then I was presented with the man sounding voice. For the record, it is NOT sexy, no matter what my crazy friends say. Now I'm feeling a little better, but I'm pretty stuffy and coughing up the brown stuff. I'm getting over it so I'm not going to the doctor. I normally would, but I don't want to put drugs in my body in case I am in pregnant. Hopefully by Monday I will be all better! :0)

I'm happy to report that this month, I have not noticed any progesterone psycho tendencies! Maybe it's because I'm too busy falling asleep, but whatever the reason, I'll take it! To all my friends and family, you're welcome :0)

Two days after my last IUI, I starting feeling extremely fatigued. We're talking knocked down, dragging sheer exhaustion. Many times, this is after a significant amount of sleep. This is definitely abnormal for me. I have some theories.... 1) I could be pregnant. Yay let's hope that's it! 2) Could be from the 200mg of progesterone I started taking again. It's supposed to make you sleepy, but I take it at night and I wasn't sleepy on it last month when I took it. Hmm.  3) Possibly associated with me being sick. I have a fever and a cold/sinus something. My mommy friend is convinced I'm pregnant because she said she got sick both times in the cycle she conceived. Interesting. I'm probably just sick but this fatigue has got to go! I'm falling asleep at work, not exactly professional. I will know next Friday! 

I have fantastic news...I have a doctor that I adore! I have officially switched to Dr. Hampton Richards and I couldn't be happier. He will be my doctor all through my pregnancies and I'm hoping he will deliver all my babies, as well! This means the hospital decision has been made...Presby Dallas is where I will deliver.  I had both of my IUI's this week! And my doctor is such a rockstar that he didn't have to dilate me! YAY! This means that the procedures didn't hurt as much as last month. He is great about just being funny and distracting me so I'm not thinking about it, so I'm naturally more relaxed, which makes things easier.  Funny story, I had to take the sperm tank home with me and bring it back the next day for the second IUI. OMG-so funny. I hung out with it, I seat belted it in my car and watched tv with it that night. Yep, we officially bonded. I couldn't believe how huge and heavy it was for a teeny tiny little vial. Anyway, as I lugged my pr...

Today was a drastic 180 from yesterday! I had a great morning and I sought off to my day 12 sonogram appointment. I was a little apprehensive at first because I was not seeing my normal doctor, I was seeing someone in her practice because she was out of the office today. It ended up working out beautifully! I like my normal doctor okay, I know she's a great doctor and I can tell she's a badass, but she wasn't very informative. It seems like I left every visit with a lot of questions. She was also very serious and it made me tense. Today, I walk in and the nurses were great and when the guy doctor came in, the first thing he asked was, "How are you feeling about the first failed attempt?" What?! He wants to talk about my feelings? Awesome! I told him I was devastated and that it was really hard on me, but that I really want to try again. He said we need to start looking at this as a 6 month process, that he believes that in 6 months, he will get me pregnant. (Yeah!...

I finally evened out from meds. I had a rough time getting off the progesterone as I was very depressed for three days. But then it lifted and I felt like me again for the first time in 3 weeks! Woop!  While feeling relieved that I wasn't an emotional mess, things have been hard. I'm working three jobs to try to make more money, and I am exhausted. Work has been stressful, they are making so many changes and everyone seems so unhappy. Myself included. And then you add this process into the mix and I've realized that this is probably going to be the hardest year of my life. I've already started the countdown to Thanksgiving break. One thing I struggle with is inner peace. I get so upset about things. When people treat me bad, when I feel lonely or sad, when I'm unhappy with my job, when things don't turn out the way I want them to be. I need to learn to let things be. I wouldn't say that I believe in the whole "things happen for a reason" bit that e...

Today I spoke with my doctor's nurse and I am cleared to try again immediately. Next Tuesday, I have my day 12 sonogram with another doctor in the practice as my doctor is out of the office that day. From there, we will measure my egg and predict a day for the IUIs.  I'm sad that my feeling of hopelessness is overshadowing my feeling of hope. I really want this one to take but I'm terrified to get my hopes up because of how painful the last one was. Financially, I'm not sure what I can do after this one. The thought depresses me....

As soon as I found out I wasn't pregnant, I was ordered by my doctor to stop taking Progesterone. At first I was thrilled because it meant that I would stop crying all the time and I would go back to normal. Well, ever since I stopped taking it, my hormone levels have dropped and now I'm very depressed. I've felt this way for about three days now. I haven't evened out.  I just want to feel normal. Before I started this process, I assumed the only hard part would be the financial aspect and the devastation of it not taking. Another component that I am really struggling with is the push and pull of hormone levels. I can't believe how sensitive I am to the medication. If I might be pregnant, I have to be on hormones that make me highly emotional. If I'm not pregnant, I have to get off them so I'm depressed. Am I ever going to even out? If this process fails again, is every month going to be a push and pull of emotions? It's hard. I'm hoping in the next ...

This morning I woke up with a few tears but was glad that I slept well. I think I was so emotionally drained from yesterday that feeling somewhat refreshed was something to be grateful for. I met my mom for lunch and she was extra upbeat and I could tell that was for my benefit. It was very sweet. My sweet dog was extra excited to see me and freaked out when I walked in the door and that made my heart happy for the first time in two days. It really is amazing how much I love that dog. Anyway, we had lunch and discussed finances and a plan to begin next month's IUI's. And can I just say...I have a wonderful mother.  At first she had a hard time with this decision and it really affected our relationship. But in the last few months or so, she has really come around and been exactly what I need. I'm so glad I have her support, it would be so much harder without it. Anyway, we came up with a plan and we're going to make it work for next month! Yay! I'm ready to move forw...

Tonight I write this with a heavy heart as I now know without a doubt that I am not pregnant. The IUI's did not work. It hurts to know that I worked all summer to pay for this and it didn't work. I could have had an entire summer off with the same result. But worst of all, it hurts to know that the baby I dreamed was forming...does not exist. I feel such a sense of loss and I'm very very sad. I'm really surprised how hard this is hitting me. I knew the statistics, I knew it would probably take a few times for it to work, but actually going through the emotions is more difficult than I ever imagined.  Today was hard. I started off in a great mood and thankful it was Friday, and then I went to the bathroom and saw that I started my period. I immediately broke down and went to my friend Charlotte's room and she just held me as I cried my eyes out. Then she started crying, then we both were crying. I can honestly say that I think it was the saddest moment of my life. I ...

Well, it's happened. I'm psycho. All week I've been keeping pretty busy and trying not to think about the big "test" coming up and then today on the way to work, I started thinking of a negative result and I started bawling. We're talking eye liner smearing, can't stop, "Wow what's wrong with her" kind of bawling. Then I was instantly fine. I later went about my day in a great mood, then got mad about something tonight then started uncontrollably crying because I feel bitchy, which is something I perceive as PMS coming on. It does feel like PMS in the sense that I'm over emotional and get mad at stuff I normally wouldn't. The great mood in between doesn't really fit, though. Usually when I PMS, I'm consistently a bitch. I am convinced it's PMS and gearing up for a negative pregnancy test. I cried A LOT tonight. It's just really hard. Some of my besties called me and were wonderful and were there for me. It's grea...

When choosing a pregnancy test, I look for a couple things. First of all, I want it to tell me, yes or no,  none of this "faint pink line" business! Don't they know we crazy women can make anything arguable into a positive? It's too much of a mind game. Next, I look for accuracy. I am amazed how accurate they truly are. In my search for the best test, I have found Clearblue to be the best. It pops up quick, easing the torture of the "what does it say?!" scariness. I've heard EPT is also a good brand but I had a bad experience with a test not working and then I was all pissed because I spent ten dollars on it. I like the Clearblue packs with multiple tests in it so when the time comes to be psycho and test way too early and every day, I'm ready!  As most of you may already know, here's the skinny on testing early. You can test up to 4 days before you're period is supposed to start. It's possible to get a positive, but your chances of accur...

My thoughts on if I'm pregnant change daily. Some days I feel off and think it might have worked. Other days I'm convinced it's all in my head and that it didn't.  I've been feeling pretty emotional lately and not the PMS kind. I just feel easily weepy. The other day I got overcome with emotion about just how much I love my dog. Then every time I imagine a positive pregnancy test, there are tears streaming down my face. I can't tell if I just really love my dog and want a child or if it's exaggerated. I know I'm a pretty emotional girl so I'm not sure on that one. I also am aware that women can actually manifest symptoms.  I also have been light headed a lot and for long periods of time. Real or not real? THAT is the question! Also, I am excited to say that I am cramping! Yay! Why is this good, you ask? Because 8-10 days after fertilization, a woman may feel the implantation of the embryo implanting into the uterine wall. It usually last 1-2 days. I ...

I got my progesterone levels back and they are a little bit low. A woman needs to sustain a progesterone level of 10 or higher for an embryo to survive and mine is 9.3. The nurse immediately ordered me a prescription of 200 mg of Progesterone so my levels will rise if I am indeed pregnant.  I admit I was a little bit down because a high number would be much better news and somewhat indicative of a pregnancy. But my nurse told me not to be too concerned and low levels are not indicative of a pregnancy not taking.  I started taking the progesterone last night and so far there have been no side effects. 

Today I took a blood test to test my progesterone level. Now I'm still learning but from what I understand and have read, your progesterone level increases after ovulation. The object of the test is to make sure I'm ovulating. It was interesting looking at the research numbers. They rapidly rise in the duration of pregnancy, so if my level is high, it is POSSIBLE I am pregnant! A woman needs a level of 10 or higher to maintain a pregnancy. If my level is below 10, it is likely that I have not ovulated. However, it is possible to still be pregnant with low levels. If that were the case, my doctor would write me a prescription for progesterone to increase it. I am glad that she is monitoring me closely.  Here is a groovy graph for your enjoyment. You're welcome :0) I find out tomorrow what my level is! I'm going for high! Goooooo progesterone!!!!!!

I am a member of a single mother's by choice support group and it is a spectacular group filled with extraordinary women with the same desires to have children, with or without a husband. I am blown away by how much we understand each other, it's the ultimate bond. We grow to love each other's children and dream of our future children growing up together. It's so comforting to have that kind of support. I am so very blessed. Today I hosted our monthly party at my apartment-we had a Fiesta! It was great seeing everyone.  Today I am not feeling so hot. I didn't get much sleep last night and I had a headache all morning and have been mildly depressed all day. I have NO idea why, everything is going great. I also skipped dinner tonight-nothing sounded good and I'm going to go to bed really early. I even had a nap but am still so exhausted. Everything feels like a blur.  I would get excited about this thinking it could be a pregnancy symptom but I think it's too...

This week has been big! On Thursday, I went in for my sonogram to see how big the egg was. My ovulation predictor kit said I was at peak ovulation, meaning my egg was going to be releasing soon so I was expecting it to either have been released or about to. Sure enough, it was grown to full size (goooo egg!) and was already in place to release. That means we timed it perfectly! My doctor said it was ready to go and we needed to do the 1st IUI. I saw the vial of sperm and holy crap that was the tiniest 750$ I ever spent! Anyway, the procedure went well, but it wasn't pleasant. The first part felt like a pap but then she had to dilate my cervix and there was some clamping and pinching going on and that was awful. It felt like someone was punching me in the lower stomach, but from the inside. Ouch! As soon as she clamped, I got this huge wave of nausea and felt like I was going to throw up. Then she did the sperm injection, that also was not pleasant. I felt all of it and it again mad...

This morning I had my sonogram! I got there around 7:30am and got checked in. Once we were starting, I was laughing because as you lean back in the stirrups, you notice a sign on the ceiling that says "I HATE THIS!" And of course you don't notice it until you're on your back. Ha! Anyway, she gave me the "Are you SURE" talk and I got off pretty easy because I have heard many women have to go through a psych evaluation before they will be allowed to do an IUI being single. I find this a bit amusing considering drug using irresponsible people who accidentally get knocked up DON'T have to do this, but hey, it's whatever. Once she finished the talk, we got started. Everything looked great! I was worried she would find a problem but she said the lining of the uterus is perfect and we found one egg on the left ovary. It was very small in size so she said it will need a few days to grow to be full in size. She said she might give me the HCG trigger shot on...

Tomorrow morning I have my first appointment for making a baby. I can't believe it! I've worked all summer to be able to pay for it, I've been dreaming of it for so long and now it's happening! It's so surreal. I pray all looks well on the sonogram so we can proceed with the IUI. I will keep y'all posted! *Prayers!*

About three hours after my last depressing post, I started!! HORRAY!!! This means I can start the process immediately. I have my first sonogram scheduled for August 12th at 7:45am. They want me to have the tank sent to the doctor's office by then in case they want to do an IUI that day, but it will most likely be the next day. My doctor decided not to put me on Clomid. I'm a little concerned about this but I am young, so I'm hoping my eggs will do their job. I'm very interested to hear how I look on the inside. :0) It's happening!!!! :0) :0) :0)

Well, the emotional roller coaster has already begun. I was supposed to start the insemination process late last week, but my period never came so I was never able to begin. I am VERY upset about this because this has never happened to me before and of course it has to happen when I need it to the most.  There are a couple reasons I may have missed:  1) STRESS: My mom just had a total foot reconstruction surgery and I am taking care of her by myself.  I don't feel stressed, I'm happy to help, but maybe I am, who knows. 2) CHANGE IN DIET: I have switched to really healthy eating and have dropped about 7 lbs.  I've also been having lower abdominal cramps for about two weeks straight. I'm going to call my doctor in the morning and see if we can get a sonogram to see what's going on.  I'm sad that my excitement is now replaced with worry and frustration. It's a wakeup call of just how emotional this process is going to be. A few tears have been shed so far ...

IUI stands for Intrauterine Insemination. The process includes entering sperm directly into the uterus in hopes of fertilization. The PROS: 1) The process is highly monitored and allows injection of sperm at the best possible time, setting perfect conditions for fertilization. 2) The sperm doesn't have as far to go before reaching the egg. 3) The help of fertility meds can produce more eggs, giving you more of a chance of fertilization. 4) Some sperm banks allow the option to buy the highest count of sperm they have from their donors. 5) It is possible to do two inseminations in two days, bettering your chances of success. 6) There is an 86% success rate when attempted multiple times! :0) The CONS: 1) It's expensive. 2) There's no guarantee that it'll work, and if it doesn't, you've lost your money. 3) There is a 3-7% chance of twins! Of course I would be thrilled but the exhaustion level scares me. 4) There can be unpleasant side effects...

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of how my life would turn out. By age 30, I was sure I would be married to the perfect husband, have the perfect 3 children and be blissfully happy. Well, destiny had other plans. I am single and have been single for a very long time. I have had some very bad experiences with the important men in my life so I have grown to be a very distrusting woman when it comes to men. In addition to these issues, I have always been unbelievably hopeless in the sense that I want mind blowing, extraordinary love and will settle for nothing less. With the combination of these two elements, I find myself single and standing in the shadow of the American Dream. This used to depress me. I used to think being single meant having no children. I also used to think that I might have to settle just to get my children. That always felt wrong. I always see couples at restaurants and they have nothing to say to each other and I always thank god it's not me. I cannot...