Our Unexpected Beautiful Life

I'm not pregnant....again. This one hit me pretty hard. I cried for about 6 hrs straight the day I found out and didn't talk much the day after. I'm now on the third day of knowing and I'm starting to feel a little bit better. It's awful losing the money and the hope and I'm starting to worry that there may be a problem. However, logistically I have only tried twice and the statistics don't lie. If you have a perfect egg, perfect sperm and perfect timing, the odds of you getting pregnant are 27%. It also takes young healthy couples an average of 6 months to a year to get pregnant naturally. So I am trying not to worry just yet.  I have been starting my period at work and both times I've found out my answer and then have to teach. It's been really bad timing both times, in the middle of the work day, and I need to figure out something to avoid this for next time. I might test a day early next time although my period threw a fast one on me this cycle b...

Today has been one of the worst days that I can remember. It started with me waking up on day 6 of feeling like crap. I couldn't breathe, was in a bad mood, and I knew that I have to go to work because I've already taken two sick days. Well, it was a very long day. We had a lot of teachers out, were short subs and the kids thought it was party time because their routine was rocked. I felt terrible and the day drug on forever. I had two dr's appointments right after work....one for my family dr because I'm sick and one for the eye doctor because I need new contacts and have to have an exam before they will issue them.  I ran out of work to go to the family doctor for being sick. Then I found out I was going to see (we will call him Dr. Jerkface). They fit me in last minute so I had no control over who I was seeing. I've had two bad experiences with this jerk. The first time, he left me waiting for an hour as he forgot about me in a room. Awesome. THEN, the second tim...

Have I mentioned that the two week wait is the longest two weeks of my life?! Man!!!! I wanted to share a video that I love. It always makes me cry. It's a visual representation of the beginning of life. So beautifully made with accompanied music makes it very powerful. Enjoy! http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ca2NevbXMdA&feature=related

The last two days, I have experienced mild cramping in my lower abdomen. This is about 7 DPO (days past ovulation) and could be a very good sign because many women that have these, end up with a BFP (big fat positive) pregnancy test. This would be the time when the embryo implants into the uterus, causing mild cramping and occasional implantation bleeding. I normally would be excited about this but last month I had the same cramping at the same time and ended up with a BFN (Big Fat Negative) so I'm not putting any stock into it. Oh the mental games of the two week wait...

On Wednesday, I started feeling sick and realized something was coming on. By the end of the night, I felt awful and had chills accompanied with an unwanted fever. The fever lasted for two days, then I was presented with the man sounding voice. For the record, it is NOT sexy, no matter what my crazy friends say. Now I'm feeling a little better, but I'm pretty stuffy and coughing up the brown stuff. I'm getting over it so I'm not going to the doctor. I normally would, but I don't want to put drugs in my body in case I am in pregnant. Hopefully by Monday I will be all better! :0)

I'm happy to report that this month, I have not noticed any progesterone psycho tendencies! Maybe it's because I'm too busy falling asleep, but whatever the reason, I'll take it! To all my friends and family, you're welcome :0)

Two days after my last IUI, I starting feeling extremely fatigued. We're talking knocked down, dragging sheer exhaustion. Many times, this is after a significant amount of sleep. This is definitely abnormal for me. I have some theories.... 1) I could be pregnant. Yay let's hope that's it! 2) Could be from the 200mg of progesterone I started taking again. It's supposed to make you sleepy, but I take it at night and I wasn't sleepy on it last month when I took it. Hmm.  3) Possibly associated with me being sick. I have a fever and a cold/sinus something. My mommy friend is convinced I'm pregnant because she said she got sick both times in the cycle she conceived. Interesting. I'm probably just sick but this fatigue has got to go! I'm falling asleep at work, not exactly professional. I will know next Friday! 

I have fantastic news...I have a doctor that I adore! I have officially switched to Dr. Hampton Richards and I couldn't be happier. He will be my doctor all through my pregnancies and I'm hoping he will deliver all my babies, as well! This means the hospital decision has been made...Presby Dallas is where I will deliver.  I had both of my IUI's this week! And my doctor is such a rockstar that he didn't have to dilate me! YAY! This means that the procedures didn't hurt as much as last month. He is great about just being funny and distracting me so I'm not thinking about it, so I'm naturally more relaxed, which makes things easier.  Funny story, I had to take the sperm tank home with me and bring it back the next day for the second IUI. OMG-so funny. I hung out with it, I seat belted it in my car and watched tv with it that night. Yep, we officially bonded. I couldn't believe how huge and heavy it was for a teeny tiny little vial. Anyway, as I lugged my pr...

Today was a drastic 180 from yesterday! I had a great morning and I sought off to my day 12 sonogram appointment. I was a little apprehensive at first because I was not seeing my normal doctor, I was seeing someone in her practice because she was out of the office today. It ended up working out beautifully! I like my normal doctor okay, I know she's a great doctor and I can tell she's a badass, but she wasn't very informative. It seems like I left every visit with a lot of questions. She was also very serious and it made me tense. Today, I walk in and the nurses were great and when the guy doctor came in, the first thing he asked was, "How are you feeling about the first failed attempt?" What?! He wants to talk about my feelings? Awesome! I told him I was devastated and that it was really hard on me, but that I really want to try again. He said we need to start looking at this as a 6 month process, that he believes that in 6 months, he will get me pregnant. (Yeah!...

I finally evened out from meds. I had a rough time getting off the progesterone as I was very depressed for three days. But then it lifted and I felt like me again for the first time in 3 weeks! Woop!  While feeling relieved that I wasn't an emotional mess, things have been hard. I'm working three jobs to try to make more money, and I am exhausted. Work has been stressful, they are making so many changes and everyone seems so unhappy. Myself included. And then you add this process into the mix and I've realized that this is probably going to be the hardest year of my life. I've already started the countdown to Thanksgiving break. One thing I struggle with is inner peace. I get so upset about things. When people treat me bad, when I feel lonely or sad, when I'm unhappy with my job, when things don't turn out the way I want them to be. I need to learn to let things be. I wouldn't say that I believe in the whole "things happen for a reason" bit that e...

Today I spoke with my doctor's nurse and I am cleared to try again immediately. Next Tuesday, I have my day 12 sonogram with another doctor in the practice as my doctor is out of the office that day. From there, we will measure my egg and predict a day for the IUIs.  I'm sad that my feeling of hopelessness is overshadowing my feeling of hope. I really want this one to take but I'm terrified to get my hopes up because of how painful the last one was. Financially, I'm not sure what I can do after this one. The thought depresses me....

As soon as I found out I wasn't pregnant, I was ordered by my doctor to stop taking Progesterone. At first I was thrilled because it meant that I would stop crying all the time and I would go back to normal. Well, ever since I stopped taking it, my hormone levels have dropped and now I'm very depressed. I've felt this way for about three days now. I haven't evened out.  I just want to feel normal. Before I started this process, I assumed the only hard part would be the financial aspect and the devastation of it not taking. Another component that I am really struggling with is the push and pull of hormone levels. I can't believe how sensitive I am to the medication. If I might be pregnant, I have to be on hormones that make me highly emotional. If I'm not pregnant, I have to get off them so I'm depressed. Am I ever going to even out? If this process fails again, is every month going to be a push and pull of emotions? It's hard. I'm hoping in the next ...