Our Unexpected Beautiful Life

The past three days have been an emotional whirlwind. It all started late Friday night. I started bleeding. My nurse told me when I called to confirm a positive pregnancy test that don't be too alarmed if there is bleeding as long as it isn't bright red. Well, mine was and it really scared me. I monitored the amount of bleeding and pain and I didn't have cramping so that was good, but when I woke up the next morning, there was more. I called the emergency nurse on call for my doctor's office and she said to go to the emergency room if the bleeding got really heavy or if I had serious cramping because that's indicative of a miscarriage. She also said to call on Monday and see about getting in to do blood work to test hormone levels to make sure they are rising. I was worried all weekend, I swear, I'm noticing that my worries are getting much more serious. It's funny how precious a little life can be to you when it's still so new. I didn't know you c...

I'm 5 and a half weeks along and so far all is going well! I had an upset stomach for a week as I was adjusting to the new hormone levels in my body. I've had small random waves of nausea so far but not too bad yet, and OMG, I finally know the meaning of sore boobs! I've never had them before so I didn't really know what everyone has been talking about, and then Christmas morning I woke up SO sore! Ouch!!  Right now my baby is the size of an Appleseed and is forming the major organs. Yay!!! It's amazing how much I already love that little nugget! I'm very much aware of the dangers of the first trimester and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared to death of losing this baby, but I'm only allowing myself to think positive thoughts and think I will have a healthy and normal pregnancy.  My puppy dog Kaci has been really clingy lately and I'm wondering if she senses that something is different. She won't leave my side and always waits for me befo...

How I saw the positive pregnancy test is kind of a funny story. I originally thought I wasn't pregnant because I got a negative test result on the day it should have shown up positive. Well, two days later, Dec. 19th, during the night I had a dream that it was 5:30 in the morning, which is close to when I would be getting up. So when I woke up, I thought, well since it's almost time to get up, I might as well test again since my period never came. I tested and it was positive! I freaked!! I was ready to call my mom and then I looked at the clock and it was only TWO AM! Here I am, with amazing news and everyone I knew was asleep! BOO!! I waited for about fifteen minutes and then I called my mom at 2:30am and woke her up! I knew she couldn't be mad if it was about her having another grandbaby! She was really excited, too!! Once we got off the phone, of COURSE I couldn't go back to sleep! I mean, seriously. I had just found out I'm having a baby and then I'm supp...

The period never came! And I started feeling little twinges in my abdomen and it confused me. So I tested two days after the missed period and it showed up positive! I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!  I'm SO happy!!!!  I can't believe it! I'M GOING TO BE A MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!

At first I was really excited to test because I had a good feeling about this try. Well my period was due Tuesday morning, which was the day I decided to test. I got a little bummed because I was a raging bitch on Monday and Tuesday and that usually means aunt flow is on the way. Then I tested on Tuesday morning. The box said that it was 99% accurate if taken on the day of your expected period. The test was negative. I was SO sad!! I was very down in the dumps that day because I really thought I was. And if it was 99% accurate, then surely I wasn't, right? I waited sadly that entire day for my period to come and made the appointment for a consult with a specialist.

On my two week wait, I noticed light bleeding on day 9 past ovulation/insemination. This was a good sign! It takes approximately 9 days for a fertilized embryo to travel down the Fallopian tube, and then it burrows itself into the uterus, which can cause light bleeding around that day. I was excited when I saw the bleeding because I knew the timing was that of implantation and that it was 5 days too early for a period. Yay! I crossed my fingers and was cautiously optimistic! 

With this 5th cycle attempt, I was put on 150MG of Clomid. This is 3x the dosage of my first cycle. I was excited thinking that I would produce several good follicles to up my chances. I ended up producing only one follicle but it was a big one: 21mm! I was bummed that I only produced one but my doctor was still happy with the size of that one. Lets hope it's the one! 

Today we are iced in and I'm getting a little bit stir crazy since I haven't left my apartment. I was very tempted to get out and venture the roads to see how bad it is. I usually do like to do that but I could possibly be pregnant and now am thinking it's best not to risk it since I could be carrying precious cargo. Guess my mommy thinking has already started!

Surprisingly, my doctor was open to upping my dosage of Clomid. I was put on 150MG for this cycle! I was very excited thinking I could produce about 3 good follicles which would be fantastic! My doctor was very excited, too and it reminded me how grateful I am to have such a wonderful doctor that really wants this for me. Sadly, I only produced one follicle. I was shocked! I produced two on a lower dosage, but they were quite a bit smaller. The one good thing is that the one I produced was very big and looked like a really good one. I know it only takes one so there's still hope. He mentioned that if this one fails, we might try stronger medicine, my guess would be something other than Clomid to produce more eggs since Clomid doesn't seem to be working too well for me. I had my insemination this week and I wait two more weeks to find out if I'm pregnant. Hoping #5 is THE ONE!!!!

My pregnancy test produced another negative and as a result, another failed attempt. I was very sad after this one, feeling like a failure, like my body doesn't work. But then I had my HSG test that is the test that injects ink dye into your fallopian tubes. This test shows whether your tubes are open or if something is blocking them. I was pretty scared of this test because everyone has told me that it's very painful. I was happy to discover that it wasn't, and I did fine. And even happier news, they are "beautifully open!" YAY!! This is definitely good news. I really think it's just going to take time. After dipping into a pretty serious depression, I am finally feeling good again. I discussed depression medication with my baby doctor and he put me on Zoloft which is safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding. It has changed my life. My depression has lifted and I'm feeling fantastic now. I'm so grateful that I am fully able to enjoy my life again. N...