Our Unexpected Beautiful Life

Last week I finished my 3rd try and did not produce a pregnancy. I pretty much knew when I started feeling PMS symptoms. It really is amazing how well a woman knows her body. Attempting my 4th try, I am changed. I'm realizing that this is not turning out how I planned. I always assumed it would work right away because I'm young, regular and SOMETHING has to go my way, right? Well, now I see that I was naïve. The more and more research I do, it's a wonder that anyone gets pregnant. It really does have to be PERFECT conditions. An outstanding egg, at an outstanding time, with an outstanding sperm. If one of those is not present, it won't ever work. It still blows my mind that tens of millions of sperm are inserted directly into my uterus and won't fertilize. Wow. Yesterday I went to my Dr's office to discuss a plan for the next cycle. We talked for a really long time. He was wonderful. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him how defeated I'm feeling a...

For those of you who don't know, the dreaded two week wait after ovulation and before you can test for pregnancy is the LONGEST TWO WEEKS IN TIME!!! It's insane! I had my 3rd IUI about 10 days ago and I am able to test for pregnancy on Tuesday. I'm sad to report that I'm expecting another negative. I'm pretty PMSy and that comes before a period. I'm just so sad. I'm starting the process of looking into a fertility specialist. I have a clinic that looks good and is right by my work so I think that will be a good fit. They are open 7 days a week and have a great reputation. Plus I know 3 people that got pregnant by them. I never dreamed I'd have to go to a specialist for fertility. I always assumed I would work just fine. It's sad to me because in a way I feel like I'm failing, like I don't work. It's been very hard. I will test in a few days and keep you posted on the results...

I had my sonogram today. We were hoping for 2-4 really good eggs from the fertility medication CLOMID I'm taking for the first time. I produced 4 eggs total but three are way too small and will not take. He was pleased, but I was upset. The Clomid didn't really help me this month. And once the big egg is released by the trigger shot, the others don't have time to grow so they are no good. It's crazy how I feel some sort of attachment to my follicles and am cheering for them to grow and get stronger. They can turn into my baby so it's sad to know when they can't fully develop. Anyway, this means that I have one great egg that will be triggered to release for this cycle's insemination. I have the insemination tomorrow at 2:15. I was pretty disappointed that I only had one good one. I asked about upping the dosage and the doctor said that Clomid is so random in how it works. Next month on the same dosage, I might produce 3 good eggs, you just never know. So he...

On Friday of last week, I had a sonogram to see if I was able to get on Clomid. My wonderful doctor was out of the office that day so I had to see one of the other doctors in the practice. He was an older man but I liked him. I asked him why I needed the sonogram on day 3 and he told me that it's a safety precaution. He explained that he wanted to make sure there wasn't a follicle left over from my previous cycle. He says if I had one, and they gave me Clomid, it could turn into one massive follicle which would cause numerous problems. It made sense to me after that. There were no follicles present so I was prescribed Clomid to take for 5 days. I have very mixed feelings about this drug. The great thing about trying naturally, aka no medication, is that you can consistently try every month. What I like about trying every month is that I only have about two weeks to be sad and then it's time to start again and hope is renewed! Well, on Clomid, there are some variables. C...