Another Negative

I'm not pregnant....again. This one hit me pretty hard. I cried for about 6 hrs straight the day I found out and didn't talk much the day after. I'm now on the third day of knowing and I'm starting to feel a little bit better. It's awful losing the money and the hope and I'm starting to worry that there may be a problem. However, logistically I have only tried twice and the statistics don't lie. If you have a perfect egg, perfect sperm and perfect timing, the odds of you getting pregnant are 27%. It also takes young healthy couples an average of 6 months to a year to get pregnant naturally. So I am trying not to worry just yet. 

I have been starting my period at work and both times I've found out my answer and then have to teach. It's been really bad timing both times, in the middle of the work day, and I need to figure out something to avoid this for next time. I might test a day early next time although my period threw a fast one on me this cycle by coming three days early. 

I'm happy to be getting off the progesterone as I know that it severely heightens my emotions. It makes a sad event feel unbearable and now that it's getting out of my system, I can feel myself getting more objective.

As I have previously stated in recent posts, this process has been the hardest thing I've ever done. It's harder than I even thought it was going to be. I've noticed that I've been pretty unhappy this year. Most of it is from my circumstance mixed with the medication. It makes me an emotional mess and very very cranky. I miss sweet happy Lindsey.

I bought this book called "The Happiness Project". I'm going to focus on the different areas of my life I want it improve. My categories are: 

-Spirituality
-Family
-Friendship
-Money
-Peace
-Health
-Risk Taking
-Work
-Parenting
-Love
-Character
-Home
-Productivity

I will work each month on the different focus points and develop and implement numerous strategies to better my life. For example, I have a best friend that is pregnant. She is wonderful and our friendship is very strong and healthy. I'm finding it harder to be around her as she progresses in her pregnancy. It unexpectedly happened happily and naturally for her, and I've been planning this for so long and I'm having problems. I want to make sure that I don't develop feelings of resentment towards her. I love her like a sister and want to be the kind of friend she deserves. This is one of many reasons why I need to work on myself as I progress through my journey. 

I'm not giving up. The next step is discussing fertility medication since I'm not producing a pregnancy naturally. I have my next appointment on Day 3 to see if I'm eligible to take Clomid. I will keep y'all posted.

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