The Decision

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of how my life would turn out. By age 30, I was sure I would be married to the perfect husband, have the perfect 3 children and be blissfully happy. Well, destiny had other plans. I am single and have been single for a very long time. I have had some very bad experiences with the important men in my life so I have grown to be a very distrusting woman when it comes to men. In addition to these issues, I have always been unbelievably hopeless in the sense that I want mind blowing, extraordinary love and will settle for nothing less. With the combination of these two elements, I find myself single and standing in the shadow of the American Dream. This used to depress me. I used to think being single meant having no children. I also used to think that I might have to settle just to get my children. That always felt wrong. I always see couples at restaurants and they have nothing to say to each other and I always thank god it's not me. I cannot imagine raising children in a loveless marriage, or dealing with a custody battle down the road. What kind of example would that set? I want to model stability, love, passion, and independence to my children.

After many months of thinking, I opted to remember how strong I was. I have always been a dreamer and I have ALWAYS gone after what I want. What I want more than anything: a child. I want a child more than I want a husband. I feel an emptiness in me that has taken over and I'm ready to make my life about someone else. The innate maternal yearning is getting stronger by the minute and I feel that it is time.

With that said, I have decided to have a baby on my own. It took about 3 months for me to get my head around the idea, but now that I've made the decision, I couldn't be happier. I am sick of the time clock pressure, I'm doing it! Then once I have my child, if my mind blowing love comes along, he can adopt my children and we can be the perfect happy family without the pressure. Who says we have to go in the right order? Who has the right to define the perfect household? In my opinion, a perfect household is one that is full of love and I can't think of anyone better suited to show love more than me.

Women are changing. They are more independent and taking ownership in their lives. I am choosing to hold my head high. I am smart, kind, loving and will dedicate the rest of my life to giving my child a beautiful life. And I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we will be happy.

I am hoping that one day my child will grow up and realize that they don't have to fit in a mold to be happy. I want them to do what their heart tells them to do, not what everyone else thinks they should do. I chose this and I've never been prouder of myself. I am choosing what's right in my heart and I am 100% content with this decision.

So get ready! This blog will be dedicated to my life with my new family! Thank you all in advance for all your love and support. *Hugs*

~Lindsey

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